What I Did For Love
by Spaced-out Luna
Summary: A medley of flashbacks: Leopardstar on Tigerstar and Leopardfoot on Pinestar. Why must the mighty Leopard's namesake seem to be doomed to a life of broken hearts?


**A/N:** As a heads-up, this will get confusing. Call this a mash-up, if you will, of two cats' thoughts in three different split-seconds. They are, specifically, of Leopardstar's flashbacks during her death scene, and of Leopardfoot's twisted relationship with Pinestar when he announces he's going to leave.

* * *

_"Though her loyalty to RiverClan never wavered, she was a leader who understood the importance of keeping every Clan strong. She had the heart, courage, and strength of the mighty cat she was named for."_

_~Firestar, Fading Echoes_

I wanted my last sight to be the stars. Mistyfoot's gray head blurred in my vision as I struggled to keep my eyes open. I would not be welcomed into StarClan; he would not be there. Even if he was, would he welcome me? Mistystar was not the only one; but my vision was blurring, and all their faces were replaced with his. The same face that had floated in my mind since the battle with BloodClan. In StarClan, could I finally be rid of my burden? No, that's too harsh a word. What I did I did willingly, and if I could go back, I don't know if I would change a thing.

Did I regret my actions? Maybe. I had never knew my mind as well as I did now, right before my last life ebbed away. I had been unsure; young. I tried to appear confident, but then Firestar comes strutting along. When I saw how powerful, how well he handled his Clan, how much younger he was than me, I became even more insecure. It was like trying to jump across the river on stepping stones through a sharp fog. I had done it many times before, I knew where the stones were, but the fog impaired my vision, clouding my memories and dulling all my senses. But Tigerstar had made me confident. I had kept my love for him a secret; no one knew. Not even Tigerstar. He taught me how to trust myself, and in turn I ended up in a downward spiral; trusting him. But at the time I couldn't tell if I was falling or flying.

Curious these are my last thoughts. I'm not remembering Whiteclaw, my first apprentice; my first test of leadership. Or Stonefur, or Mistyfoot. They had all been loyal to me, they had all trusted me from the start. But I remember the one cat who never saw me as an equal, but a pawn in his own ambition.

In StarClan, will I be happy? The only time in my life I was ever truly happy was with Tigerstar. Not while watching Stonefur die at the foot of the Bonehill, not while he was scolding my leadership qualities, but those few moments alone we had together. If I only had more time to talk with him; because I really never knew him, I don't think anyone did. That alone is my only regret in life.

I've been challenged for my past decisions before. Maybe I should have done something to help Stonefur, but then again, maybe I should have tried to save Tigerstar from being killed by Scourge. Or maybe I should have killed Scourge myself. Through my past lives I have learned to stop asking myself these questions; the past is done and set in stone. But that same battle-scarred tabby face was one question that could not, or would not, be silenced.

I'm such a hypocrite; I've done what I've done. I can deal with StarClan when they come for me. I hope it's Whiteclaw; I don't think I'd be able to contain myself if Stonefur is the one who leads me. I wish I could see my Clanmates faces; so many are here. Should I say something? Some amazing last words of some sort? I twist my head around, trying to see past them at the stars. My last resting place, the place he would never be. But I would make his memory live on in StarClan, and no matter how I look at my situation, even as I'm seconds away from my death, I can't bring myself to regret anything.

* * *

_"You can do it. You were always the strongest. And just think of the beautiful kits you'll have! They'll all be great warriors."_

_~Bluestar, Bluestar's Prophecy_

I was actually never in love with ThunderClan's leader, however prestigious the title sounded. But he loved me, that was for certain. I still remember the moon's reflection in the puddle of water we were standing by when he blurted those three words out. I should; it was the only thing I had looked at all night. But now, my first lie I will ever tell my Clan is leaving. All the evidence will be erased. I can have a fresh start with my kits, and raise them properly, without any tainted memories.

I remember Pinestar being a leader when I was born; I thought one of my Clanmates would have figured out my lie due to our age difference. As an apprentice, I'd always love hunting by the twolegplace. All the different smells intrigued me, it must have had something to do with the catmint and flowers growing in the garden nearest to our territory. One day, when I was basking in the sun by the fence with a mouse I had just caught, when I guess I didn't hear one of those kittypets sneaking up on me.

"Got you!" He said, pouncing on my tail lopsidedly.

I guess he was surprised I didn't respond; I honestly didn't know what to do. I just jumped up and stood there stupidly, cursing myself for making the mistake of staying here for too long.

"Are you new here? Where's your housefolk?"

He thought I was a _kittypet? _I growled, "I'm not new here; I live in the forest. And... and you're on ThunderClan territory!" I thought I could cover up my trespassing by turning on him, making it look like I was protecting my Clan.

To my amazement, the black kittypet purred with amusement, "No, I've met those forest cats before. You're nothing like them. You're nicer, and more groomed." The tom sat down and began itching behind his head, where a scar shone on his neck, "My name's Purdy. What's yours?"

To say I was tricked by Purdy would be just as easy to say he was tricked by me. He wouldn't have been able to convince me I was too good to be a forest cat, if I hadn't convinced him I was interested in living with him. The sad thing now is, I don't even know if I would have if I'd gotten the chance. I kept meeting Purdy on my patrols when I could; I brought in less and less fresh-kill, and became fatter and fatter as I gorged myself on Purdy's food.

The Clan noticed, too; how could I tell them I was filling up on kittypet food, or even tell a white lie and say I was eating extra fresh-kill, without disgracing the Code? One night, during my trek back from the twolegplace, I was intercepted by Pinestar. He told me he loved me, which gave me a way out. If I could say I was having his kits, no one would ever think I had gotten fat from anything else.

Sure, ThunderClan's leader wasn't the best father, but he cared for our kits. Once I was bed-ridden, I stopped seeing Purdy, and started doing more for my Clan to make up for my mistake. Little did I know, Pinestar was also talking to the kittypets in his spare time. Purdy must have told him about me, because Pinestar pulled me aside one day, and I just had to break his heart.

Pinestar misunderstood Purdy; he thought I was really in love with the kittypet, and that my kits were really Purdy's. Nothing of the sort ever happened, however; Purdy was always a great friend, but I would never betray the Code like that. Pinestar asked me if his becoming a kittypet would make me love him; I just turned and ran. That could have been what made Pinestar decide to leave ThunderClan, or it could have been our lie of a relationship, or it could be a mixture of the two. I still love my three beautiful kits, no matter who their father is or what mistakes their mother made. I would easily give my life to save them with no regrets.

* * *

The Leopard is a mighty creature; one of the first Clans in the forest. Why must their namesake seemed to be doomed to a life of broken hearts?

What I did...

What I did...

Two voices calling out; the first three words meaning different things to each of them. But the last two mean exactly the same thing.

_...for love_


End file.
